Travelling Mercies.

I am infinitely blessed to have friends who are as much bookworms as I am, and will occasionally nudge me towards books I otherwise would not have picked up. Travelling Mercies by Anne Lamott is one of those books that certainly stretched my idea of "religious nonfiction."

First off, I have to say a few things: I love her hair. Someday, maybe when I am a little more liberated (or off in the boonies in Africa and just tired of dealing with my hair), I will get dreadlocks. Second, I briefly considered becoming Episcopalian/Anglican upon my return to the States after Sudan, but the kneeling/standing up/kneeling routine literally made me ill - not that that was a real reason for deciding against it, but I digress. I do wish my church did Communion every week though, as I do believe it's a Sacrament meant to be done frequently. However it is sometimes difficult to do anything with reverence in the church I attend, with 50+ inner city kids screaming and squirming. In saying that, I enjoy any books about people in the more liturgical churches, such as Lauren Winner's Girl Meets God, another one of my favorites.

Anne Lamott certainly has a way of expressing her faith in God, and her doubts, and her fears about motherhood and love, in ways that startle you, whip your head around, and listen. The friend who lent me the book told me before I started, "Just to warn you - she drops the f-bomb like nobody's business. She's just like, Hey, God, this is who I am and what I'm dealing with." And it is interesting to note that I couldn't find any of her books at Mardell's. Make the connection.

What is faith? What is spirituality? Who is God? Is he/she distant, absent, not caring about the world; does he have any interest in the fact that I'm suffering down here, surrounded by suffering, pain inside and out, living in a world gone terribly wrong? (can I even use the pronoun "She" to describe God without more traditional/conservative Christians accusing me of paganism? When Jesus himself describes himself in Matthew as a mother hen?)

I don't agree with all of her theology. But what is theology - simply my human attempt to describe God. For instance, I don't believe Buddhism is simply "another way of seeing God", or that it is simply, for the Buddhist, "the way he understands God." I can never get away from the God who said simply, in black in white, in human flesh, I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.

But how do we relate to God? Lamott says the two best prayers you can ever pray are, "Thank you, thank you, thank you," and "Help me, help me, help me." (which certainly makes me feel better about my spiritual maturity, considering those are the two prayers I cry out the most!) Do I live my life as two selves - the self I give to God, allow him to make holy, to act in certain ways; and the self I keep to myself, the self I hold back, where once in a while those fleshly desires leap out at me from the depths that I refuse to let God plunge into.

God has a lot more grace than I give him credit for. Lamott describes in detail her alcoholism, abortion, unsuccessful love affairs, struggles to raise a son as a single mom, supporting numerous friends with cancer and AIDS and children with horrible chronic diseases. Not that I doubt God's ability to love someone out of horrible situations; no, it humbles me because I look at myself somtimes and doubt God's ability to redeem me. Then I remember Who I'm talking about.

He also wants more of me than I realize, and perhaps am willing to give.